You Know You’ve Been in Kyrgyzstan Too Long When…

I created this list while I was in Kyrgyzstan.  There were things about living there that were too frustrating, and this was a way for me to cope with them.  I passed copies of this around to all my Peace Corps friends, who probably laughed as hard as I did about them.

So, without further ado, here is is:

You Know You’ve Been in Kyrgyzstan Too Long When…

You don’t fantasize about sex anymore, but you fantasize about McDonald’s, Burger King, KFC, and Chipotle (hmm, big burritos).

You don’t remember when you took your last shower.

Rush hour in the morning to you is when herders take their cows out in the middle of the highway.

Your bowels function only during daylight hours.

You’re on a first-name basis with the drunks behind your house.

Sitting on another man’s lap has become oddly comfortable in a crowded taxi.

You’re surprised to feel hot water coming out of a spigot.

You’re surprised to feel any water coming out of a spigot.

You’re surprised to see trash cans in public areas where people actually put trash.

Trips to the bathroom are scheduled.

If someone asks you if you want banya, you don’t think about if you need one or even what it is, you just say YES!

The reading material you bring into the bathroom isn’t for reading.

You look around the dinner table to make sure that everyone’s teacups are full.

You dream in Kyrgyz.

“Hello” stops being a greeting, and becomes a curse word that follows you wherever you go.

You look at pictures of your family and wonder why they’re standing on the rug with their shoes on.

You leave your chewed gum at the dinner table and don’t think it’s repulsive.

You respond to every question or comment with “YA?”

You work feverishly to finish your work before 10pm (that’s when the electricity shuts off for the night in your village).

You’re excited about a trip to “the big city” (Bishkek, that is).

Toys R Us looks like “Toys YA Us” (thanks to the backwards R in their sign).

You leave the light on at night when you go to bed – after all, the nightly power outage will shut it off when you go to sleep, and when it’s time to wake up the next morning, the lights will conveniently come back on!

My Beautiful Bathroom for Two Years in Kyrgyzstan